The week of my first 100 mile race, The Indiana Trail 100, I was a lot calmer than I had thought I might be. I spent an obsessive amount of time going through my drop bags and looking over my very detailed race plan but I knew that I was ready. I had spent every day of the last 10 months completely focused on finishing this race. After running the Glacial Esker 40 miler at Chain O’Lakes in April, I knew that this would be a really well organized race and all I would have to think was getting to that finish line.

We checked into our bed and breakfast, I set everything out and barely slept because I was so excited to get started.  When we arrived at Chain O’ Lakes State Park the next morning at 5:30am, it didn’t feel real. My crew (which included my husband, Dave, and my parents) and I waited in the tent for the the race director to tell us to get to the starting line. It was a lot colder then I expected at 28 degrees. After so many months of training and anticipation, I was feeling excited, focused and just ready to get moving.

During the first few miles, it felt surreal. I kept thinking “I’m just out here with 400 other runners for my early morning long run”! I took it easy and let my body ease into the run. After chatting with a few other runners on the first loop, I picked up the pace a little then eased up when I saw my crew, making sure to take my time and to eat early and often to avoid stomach issues later in the race. The first loop (20 miles) flew by. I was taking each mile as it came. Every time my mind started to think about how far I still had to run, I pulled it back and reminded myself to stay in the moment. This was my first 100, and I wanted to make every moment count. 

I started to get a little tired toward the end of the 2nd loop at about 36 miles when I met another runner who was also struggling. I pulled up along side of him, grateful for the distraction from my thoughts. We started talking about some of our favorite ultra runners (Courtney Dauwalter and David Goggins) and we both picked up the pace. It’s amazing how during a race this long, you can be struggling one minute, and the next you feel better and are having a great time with a new friend! Sharing the trail with all these amazing people was inspiring. Everyone had a different background but we all had the same crazy goal to run 100 miles. 

At 40 miles, I picked up my first pacer, my husband Dave, and I was so excited to tell him all about my day! The 12 miles together flew by as I chattered away and soon we were at mile 52 where I left Dave and picked up my Mom to finish the 3rd loop. This is where I would learn the first big lesson of the day, always pack extra headlamps! We underestimated how dark it would be on the trail at this point in the day and the sun went down quickly. We had 2 small flashlights, but decided to only use one so we would have a back up in case the batteries died. This slowed us down as I stumbled around the trail over the rocks and roots but we still managed to finish the loop strong. 

At mile 60, I changed into a fresh pair of shoes and warmer clothes. I would soon discover that I had just made my second major mistake; changing when everything I had on was working just fine. I picked up my Dad at the main aid station for miles 60-80. I still felt pretty decent for the first half of the loop, but started noticing what I thought was cramping in my right calf. I took some salt pills hoping to fix the issue. About this time, I noticed that the shoes I changed into didn’t have enough cushion for this distance. The soles of my feet started burning and I knew that I was developing some bad blisters. 

At the mile 72 aid station I had another pair of shoes waiting in my drop bag. So I changed into my 3rd pair of trail shoes of the day. My husband taped up my blisters, hoping that it would save my feet. But it was too late, and they continued to deteriorate. At this point, I started getting very clumsy in the dark and kept kicking tree roots with my toes which sent pain shooting up my legs. My Dad talked me through the loop, directing his flashlight on the ground in front of my feet, and we worked on a pacing plan to get me through the rest of the race under the cutoff. I had been super positive all day. But between mile 72 and the next aid station at mile 77, the dark thoughts start to creep in and I fought hard to keep myself focused on the goal, and ignore how much it hurt. 

At 80 miles, I picked up Dave to pace me the rest of the way. Up to this point, I hadn’t really been that tired. I was in pain and my legs felt the exhaustion but I still felt wide awake. About a mile after I started running with Dave, it was like my body realized that it was now the early hours of the morning and I should be sleeping in my warm bed. I could barely keep my eyes open. For a split second my eyes would close and I would stumble towards the side of the trail. I was literally falling asleep while I was running! At the mile 83 aid station, I admitted that I couldn’t think straight or even focus enough to decide what food to eat. I was a little worried that maybe this wasn’t normal (turns out it is normal after running 83 miles!) but I knew I had to keep moving . This went on for several hours. In an effort to keep me awake, Dave would count down from 60 seconds and I would run (shuffle) as fast as I could and then we would alternate hiking for a minute. I was desperate to stay awake and was pretty miserable in general. But even in those dark and painful moments, there was a little voice in the back of my head reminding me that this would pass and I needed to leave everything out on the trail.

Around 7:30am, we counted down the minutes until dawn, saw the sun come up and suddenly, I felt awake again! I knew that this was it. The last 12 miles of my first hundred. I used everything I could think of to keep my body moving forward, while my husband did everything that he could to lighten the mood and make me laugh! At this point, my feet felt completely raw and my calf was in knots. I repeated over and over “No pain, this is what I came for!” We passed my parents with just a few miles to go, and they reminded me to pick up my feet and move faster! We shuffled and counted steps all the way until I could see the finish line. In the last half mile of the race, I had imagined that I would be emotional thinking about all of the sacrifices and training that led up to this moment. But in reality, I was just too tired to even think. It wasn’t until I crossed the line and stopped running and the race director handed me my belt buckle that it finally felt real.

I spent so much time planning and training for this race that I never actually thought about how I might feel afterwards. In the first hour after the race, I was running on the adrenaline of just finishing 100 miles. I talked excitedly with my family while I drank chicken broth and tried to warm up. We even started talking about what hundred I might run next. Reality hit, as soon as I got home several hours later and I could barely walk! The next few weeks were pretty painful as my body recovered. Looking back at the race, I am re-engergized to do it again. The extreme highs, lows, lost toenails, exhaustion, pain and inspiring community are what bring me back for more. I just hope that my recovery is quicker next time!

“Everybody comes to a point in their life when they just want to quit. But it’s what you do at that moment that determines who you are.” -David Goggins